I knew...but it still hurts.

I'm an emotional roller coaster. I'm happy it's over. I'm un-happy he's gone. Even if I wouldn't of done it, he was going to. He wasn't happy, which made me un-happy. Our relationship was really going nowhere. I called my sister, and talked to her for awhile which made me feel better. Then I talked to my dad until like 2:30 in the morning. Today I feel a little better. I'm kind of hoping Jesse will talk to me. I'm determined to make him tell me the truth, because I know he made a lot of that stuff up. He keeps getting his stories mixed around.
I think breaking up over facebook is really dumb. I wanted to do it in person, but no, of course not. I'm just so confused. I mean Thursday he says he doesn't think it's going to work...then he calls me on my lunch and says he made a huge mistake and he loves me with his whole heart. Two days later.......he met someone else? Okay..? We just talked about all of this on Saturday. He said he wanted another chance. I told him what I expected. Obviously we don't want the same things. Maybe the next girl can handle a guy who only talks to you when it's convinient for him...or ignores you and changes in the blink of an eye. I can't handle that. He's not an honest person. And I really wish he never would of came into my life. I really do.
The more I think about everything that happened, the stupider I feel. I let him use me...basically. I made myself pretend that he really did love me. And he really did think I was pretty. And he really did like spending time with me. He said he wanted more. He said he's never satisfied. He told me I wasn't enough. and thats what kills me because Justin, sweetie, I already knew that. you didn't have to make it official. But thanks for the thought that maybe I wanted someone to tell me I'm right. I feel so ridiculous for how much time I wasted on him. and I feel ridiculous that I didn't open my eyes and see all this sooner. I saw it, but I blocked it out and ran away from it. Because I was scared and I didn't want to lose him.
Us breaking up was for the best though. Because I spent more time upset that he didn't talk to me, didn't want to talk to me, had no time to spend with me, and didn't ever try to spend time with me...in the beginning it was great. He was always happy to be around me. Held my hand every chance he got. Looked into my eyes and then smiled because he couldn't keep a straight face. I'll probably always miss that. But he's a player.  He's another Febreeze. And I don't need that. At least I have my sister, my dad, and Kelsey to talk to. I don't have any friends in school...but I have my family.
I really wish Kelsey could go with to MN. I really wish I could see her more. Good greif yesterday just sucked a lot. Kelsey left, Justin and I broke up, Travis hates me. Hmm. Life couldn't get better.