--you're right, actually. I am pretty- I'm...I'm pretty troubled and I'm....I'm pretty confused, and I'm afraid. Really, really afraid. Really afraid...
((the hardest part about growing is letting go of what you're used to...and moving on with something you're not.))
+the broken heart. my love for someone. anger towards my mother and father. my tangled emotions. the laughter of my sister. how good sunshine feels. my grandmothers last breath. my soul. things I can't ever photograph.
^I'm alone, on my own && that's all I know. I'll be strong & I'll be wrong, but I guess life goes on. Oh, I'm just another girl trying to find a place in this world.
--It doesn't matter whether it's day or night. I'm always tired. At night I stay up just late enough until I'm numb enough that I can fall into my bed and sleep. because honestly I can't stand to lie in my bed in the dark alone and awake with these thoughts for so many hours.
(if I love you. If I really love you. You'll know it. If you can wake up to me staring at you and it's not even mildly creepy, if you catch me smelling the shoulder of the hoodie I stole from you, if I make you a pancake in the shape of an odd character. If I call you drunk at 4am "to talk", if I laugh at your jokes when they're funny and make fun of you when they're not, if I always ask you if you're ok, if I tell you I wish I was closer to my sister and that my dad makes me sad. I love you, of course I love you.)
*He died in a tree from which he wouldn't come down. "Come down!" They cried to him. "Come down, come down!" Silence filled the night and night filled the silence, while they waited for her to speak. "I can't" she finally said, with a lonely voice. "Why?" they cried. Stars spilled across the black sky. "because then you'll stop asking for me."
..maybe I didn't hold you all those lonely lonely times. And I guess I never told you I'm so happy that you're mine. If I made you feel second best, I'm so sorry I was blind. You were always on my mind. You are always on my mind.
>I'm trying to sleep, but the voices in my head are too loud, and I'm remembering all these things that I've done. So I turn to my side and face the wall, and breathe slowly. Close my eyes, open them, close them once more. I see his face now, you know, the boy I told you about. Now, I know I won't be able to sleep. I suppose this is why most people are insomniacs; the voices won't go away, the memories keep coming back, and people haunt them in the darkness of my room. I turn the lights on. Sit on the edge of my bed and cry. Just a little bit, just to make it easier to breathe. I turn the lights off and try to sleep again; it's going to be a long night.
.When I was a little girl I used to read fairytales. In fairytales you meet prince charming and he's everything you ever wanted. In fairytales the bad guy is so easy to spot. He's always wearing a black cape so you know who he is. Then you grow up and realize that prince charming isn't as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy idn't wearing a black cape...but he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair and a perfect smile....
Love isn't an act. It's a whole life. It's staying with her now becaus she needs you; it's knowing you and her will still care about each other when sex, daydreams, fights, and futures are all on the shelf and done with. Love--why. I'll tell you what love is. It' syou at 75 and her at 71. Each of you listening for the others step in the next room. Each afraid that a sudden silence. A sudden cry. Could mean a lifetime's talk is over.
--I was afraid to lose her & so I promised myself that I would always be sure she knew exactly how I felt about her. I didn't ever want her to second guess my heart or teh words that I shared with her. I needed her to know that I loved her and that I thought she was beautiful. I initially fell for her poetry and compassion and the way she laughed when she was scared. I fell for the pretty songs she'd write on the piano and the times when we knew what the other person was thinking about, despite any silence. I fell for her forgiveness & the passion she had for life. Even if I had never met her face to face. I'd still be sure of the way I feel for her.
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