...

I wish I had it in me to believe him--but I don't.

I hate the way I feel. I hate it.

The thing about him: he made me feel like I could be noticed. And that I was worth it. And sometimes he made me feel invisible.

I felt all at once like I never wanted to be anywhere else, & like I wanted to throw up.


That was it. That was everything I knew and everything I didn't want to hear. It was every reason I stopped him even when I didn't want to.


I willed myself not to cry. He was busy. He was working. I started to count myself to sleep.
 
We come back to the same people to learn something about how we have changed. We want to be assured that we have changed.
 
I guess forgiveness, like happiness, isn't a final destination. You don't get there one day & get to stay.
 
I'll learn to let you leave, and I'll learn to be happy. Just not right now.